(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
