This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
