No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
