Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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