last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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