My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
