dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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