OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize