is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
