Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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