wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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