Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
