I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
