fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
