it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
