Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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