god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I will die if light touches me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What drink are we having for lunch?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
