Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize