The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
