So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
