I love black thongs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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