i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
