hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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