happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
