Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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