he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
