Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
