I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
