I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
