That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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