It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
