I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
