I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
