You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
