people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize