I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
