I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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