I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
