every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
