Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
