haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
