Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
