I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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