Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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