I skipped work to stalk him.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
