Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Me. At least after what I've been through.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
