I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
