Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize