He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
