At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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