Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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