he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize