Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
