Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
