I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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