Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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