Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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