Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
