Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
