I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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