Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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