no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
