I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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