Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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