im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
