I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
