so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
