Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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