I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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