The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
