Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
