It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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