I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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