i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
