I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
