I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the night ended with taco bell and tears
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
