Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
