What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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