I think I am morally bankrupt
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
