You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize