i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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