The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
