By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
