the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
