So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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