I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize