I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
