I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
