You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
