I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My feet surprised me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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