Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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