Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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