He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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